In my last post I said that I was going to go in to work as Sarah, my alter ego.  And I have been doing so with less and less fear because all the anxiety, all the fear, everything that a person think about I though about it.  Losing my friends, alienating co-workers, losing my job and the list goes but none of that happened.  Just the opposite, I got lots of support from those very same people.  Some times it's the simple things like a compliment or someone saying that it courage or being brave and yet there is that one person in a chance meeting of a quick conversation that reinforces what you believe.  The short of it is that a co-worker and I were discussing what was going through my mind and how I felt that very first day of walking into work, he got off the elevator with me to complete his thought of conversation - The same man that made me, made and He doesn't make mistakes.  That is a powerful statement to someone who has has doubts about God and the bible.  That gave me the biggest validation of being who I am and to follow up with that, I started going back to church on a regular basis and one of the sermons ironically was about Psalm 136:1-18, how God knew us before we were ever born.  Finally the answers I have been seeking, all the puzzle pieces are falling into place and I can reconcile myself to my nature without guilt (often time self guilt), persecution (self persecution as well) and see the truth of God's word. 

Growing up you would hear adults say do as I say and not as I do, me being me that was unacceptable, I would look at mom and tell her because I said was not a logical or rational statement, (Yes it get me into trouble a lot, I am red headed and stubborn).  The same held true with organized religion, every church I went to, if you didn't belong to that particular church you were an outsider and an un-welcomed visitor, sinner vs saint.  This was not God because as I got older and older I realized that God is accepting and loving of all people no matter what path their life took, the story of the prostitute in the village - when Jesus spoke, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone."  The word of Christ is compassion, love, understanding, acceptance, the list goes on.  To be a Christian means to be Christ like, how many Christians or at least self proclaimed Christians are there versus how many true Christians are there that follow Christ's example?  There is a book, The Bible and the Transgender Experience by Linda Tatro Herzer, She explores the Bible through research and interviews but again this helps explain to someone like me, a crossdresser can be diciple of God without the feeling of guilt or persecution from the inside at least.

To some, I am an oxymoron, I am a crossdresser who believes in God to others I am human my life, my existence has meaning and value and Churches are beginning to see that and are becoming what they should have been all accepting and loving follow the true path the Bible had laid out.  As a friend of mine would say, the blueprint all we have to is follow it.  

When I started writing this blog I had what I wanted to say about my co-workers (nothing but good things) but it kind of took a life of it's own.